Life is funny. I felt like 2009 was such an up and down year that 2010 was going to be OUR year! January 4 I was laid off. Great start! And here I sit in April still looking for a job and losing my mind!
First I get really angry at my previous employer for letting me go but then remember that it really wasn't that great of a job and it required me to work weekends and holidays which I hated. Then I blame the economy for failing right when I graduate making it even more difficult to look for employment. Then I get mad at myself for staying home during a summer semester while my dad was in the hospital because if I had went to school like I was supposed, I would have graduated sooner and had a better economy to deal with. This thought enters and exits pretty quickly though as I would never give that summer up for anything.
The point is, I can find blame at some point in years past which seems ridiculous but I do it. I guess its because my family has always joked that a black cloud has always followed us and that joke just isn't funny anymore. It's getting more challenging to be happy for those around me who are announcing good news of pregnancy's, home purchases, dream jobs, vacations and other great things. At times, I feel like I am being left behind and that their lives are moving forward and mine has been going backwards. I think it's because I try to control everything and I have made countless lists of goals, time lines, and things that I want that haven't happened yet and I don't know how to make them happen. And I think it's because I always think I'm older then I actually am because my whole life I hung around people who were older than me that eventually I just assumed I was that age too. People always say that it always gets bad before it gets better and that everything happens for a reason, but I feel like I'm still waiting for those blessings??
I know I need to suck it up and count the many blessings that I do have in my life. I know I need to have patience and know that I do have a purpose. I truly am grateful for this church in my life and for my amazing family and friends who I know love and care about me. And I am SO thankful for Austin. That man puts up with so much from me and still loves me!
Life is funny. I`m going to try really hard to make lemonade :)
7 comments:
This post reminds me of why I love you so much! You can bet everyone feels or has felt this way before but it still sucks to go through it. You are amazingly strong and I can bet you have a lot of wonderful things waiting for you just around the corner. Keep drinking that lemonade...just don't be tempted to put any alcohol in there yet! :)
I've felt that way a lot...glad I'm not the only one!! Sometimes it definitly hard to have patience. I guess we just have to remember that everyone isn't on the same time table. Just because everyone in my ward thats my age has 6 year olds doesn't mean i have too....haha.
Good for you Lisa, make that lemonade girl! If it makes you feel any better, I'm looking for a job too! And no one wants to hire a pregnant girl :(
I think we all have these moments or years-- it's not just you that has the black cloud.
Since we both are jobless right now, we should catch up! 808-450-7615
I love you Lisa!!!
you will get a job and then you will look back and wish you were unemployed again! haha...it is so funny how this all works.
when i was dating zack i remember feeling like i could NOT wait to get married. 4 months later i was married and thinking "huh, maybe i could of waited." the same thing happens with kids. you wouldn't want to change it once you have them but you quickly realize that there was not need to rush.
so, enjoy the freedom! slc could use some visitors!
whitney told me there would be a point during labor that I would be laughing in my head (because I CERTAINLY won't be laughing out loud), thinking, "there is NO way this is happening. This HAS to be a joke!"
I think those moments happen often. And sometimes they aren't funny at all. But in the very back of your head, you have the tiniest memory that this too shall pass. And that's what keeps us going.
I'm with you Lis.
I don't blog or check blogs much. (I'm sure you noticed.) So I just checked in for the first time in months. It was great to read this and see we all have those human moments where we're struggling to see the Lord's perspective and yet we are still oh so human and are struggling through the mire. Don't worry, I felt like an old mom (and still do sometimes) with friends who were done with kids at 30 but I can look back now and see the Lord's timing and be grateful. But it is hard in the middle of it. Love you guys.
LUISA
Hi Lisa, I am glad you found my blog!
I can relate to your post more than you know! I am looking for a job, and no one in there right mind would hire someone pregnant! The old saying things happen for a reason, I know it to be true, but haven't figured out my reason yet!
I love what you wrote, you can tell how strong you are!
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